Tyrone Part Deux — the Possibility that My Blog has Made me Omniscient and Powerful

Listen to this while reading my tale:

Kiss from a Rose — by Seal

I bet you were wondering whether I went back to Tyrone.  If not, you need to read my former post on the torrential Tyrone.

Well, since you asked…I was set to go see Tyrone yesterday morning.  I admit I had a case of stomach jitters (the truth is I had the runs) fearing I would have to do those awful high knee running things and spend an hour of torture without any humor.  I was wishing I had cancelled.  I was wishing I had simply done the right thing — and was planning on how I was going to do the right thing:  I need to break up with Tyrone.

I was never good at that sort of thing.  I was one of those people who just acted like a total shit hoping someone would break up with me.  I wanted the other guy to take the power and declare that I, Karenoia, was not delivering or cutting the Dijon.  Usually what happened to me, is that these unfortunate people would simply try harder.  So the worse I acted, the more attention I garnered and the more they would stick to me like glue.  “Please, please break up with me” my actions screamed.  But to no avail.

I was planning and plotting the words I would say to Tyrone — and to tell him this workout was fabulous — for someone — just not me.  No, that doesn’t sound good.  Maybe I would tell him I could not afford it.  Maybe I would tell him the truth, my boobs and this workout are not simpatico.  Maybe I would tell him he wasn’t a good lover, he was just a hater.  I only “faked it” anyway.   Maybe I would explain that I have to look forward to workouts to keep up with them and I hated every last second of that last hour we had together where you tortured me.  I am simply not into S and M.   Maybe…maybe he would just not show up.

I realized I had no choice.  I cannot cancel on this guy.  I cannot be the wimp that I am.  I cannot admit my defeat.  I won’t get skinny if I don’t torture myself.  It’s not about being all cushy and getting a massage here…if you want to be one of the skinny bony ass chicks, you – gotta -Tyrone.  So, I put on my game clothes and drove up the hill to meet my destiny.  I told myself, “just one more hour of power and you can walk away”.  I told myself: “Just get through today”.

But…when I went to meet Tyrone, a funny thing happened.  He did not show up.  He just plain was a no-show.  And, he didn’t text me back when I texted him asking where he was. That was yesterday morning and I still haven’t heard a peep from the Ty guy. He dumped me before I dumped him.  The nerve!!! I didn’t even like the fucking workout.

I think I willed him not to show up.  I think my blog has made me very powerful indeed. Must be all you subscribers who collectively wished him away!

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