please see chapter 2 before you read chapter three….posted in order
Off we went to the ashram. We arrived in Portland and stayed in a really bad motel over night. Someone was supposed to come fetch us for the retreat in the a.m. I don’t think either of us slept much as we were scared shitless by this low rent motel.
In the a.m. a woman came to greet us and drive us there. She was perfectly pleasant but strangely quiet. So quiet that she didn’t laugh at our dumb jokes. Make idle chatter. Even really answer questions. Okay, if I must be completely honest, compared to our nervous state, she was kind of like a “Moonie”. Are you old enough dear blog buddy to know what a Moonie was? I will link you to Wikipedia on that.
That should’ve been a bit of a clue. We forged ahead. We arrived at this outstanding old building which smelled strongly of that fantastic incense and had gorgeous grounds and art. As soon as we walked in the door, my friend got sick. I mean, immediately upon entry. I am not exaggerating. She sneezed right away and continued to be congested and sneeze the rest of the weekend. We were convinced that it was a reaction to the finer air. In retrospect maybe it was a virus?
I was determined to find the…shaktipat. Isn’t it fun to say that word? Go ahead and try it. We were finally in the mediation hall when I got my first sighting of the Guru himself. He was all in Orange. I am kind of convinced people who were orange elicits a reaction in your eyes to look even more mystical than they are. Either that or he has got some unique thing going. He was glowing, sort of. But it must be my imagination I thought.
During the quiet meditation, in the group, I heard a person scream out (like speaking in tongues?) I thought someone had been stabbed and quickly opened my eyes. No one else did and no one seemed phased by it but me. Oh well, Guess I should ignore it. I went back to trying to meditate and sure enough it was easier here than at home for some reason. URGH!!!!! AHHHHHH!!! Again, a scream. Again I opened me eyes and my head spun around like that chick in the exorcist. WTF?
Nothing. Nada. Quiet. No one phased again. Now I was completely bewildered. Was someone in pain in this meditation? Why was no one else upset or worried for this person? What should I do? How can I quiet my mind now for G-dsakes.
Finally the bell donged and the mediation was over. I quickly walked to find my fiend. She was as worried and concerned about the stabbing as me (we were after all convinced it was a stabbing by this point). We agreed we would ask – so:
We went to lunch with more quiet people. No one asked who we were, where we came from, what we thought. They ate in pretty quiet way. The food was excellent. I mean really good. Maybe it was hunger from all that sitting. Or from the excitement of the stabbing. But man I was hungry and the food was muy bueno. My friend finally had the nerve to ask about the screams.
“Uh, I was wondering…about the noise, you know that scream, that happened during the class, what that was all about…” chuckle chuckle trying too lighten the mood as she asked. No one chuckled along. In fact they looked at us both like aliens who had arrived on their planet and didn’t understand their customs.
“That’s a Kriya. It’s not something you should really worry about or compare your experience to. It’s not anything at all. It is energy moving though the body. Strong energy being released. That’s’ all.” And she went back to eating. No more info offered. Well, if that is shaktipat, I am no longer sure I want it. Sounds painful.
“Does it hurt?” I asked. Long pause and another look as though we were aliens. “Of course not.” And that was all offered as far as I know. Well, maybe I still need it. I came here for it.
After a while, my friend told me she was feeling badly and might skip afternoon retreat and sleep. She was really tired. At the time, in my condescending way, I was convinced this was because she wasn’t truly a spiritual seeker like myself and her cold was a product of this superficiality. (As opposed to simply that she had a virus). Poor thing. The truth was she was sort of disappointed with the lack of massage and steam facilities in what she hoped was going to be a girls spa weekend. This was way to sparse and unrelaxing and sitting quietly for hours in the lotus position is actually quite hard. The other fact of the matter was, she was basically a happier person always attracting many boyfriends, jobs and exciting travel plans. I was the one who was troubled and hurting and searching for answers…remember?
She told me she thought the people were also a bit weird. I said,” Look, you might be right, but I don’t care about the people. I WANT SHAKTIPAT AND I CAME TO GET IT AND I AM GOING TO GET IT BEFORE WE LEAVE.”by